After weeks of waiting, we’ve finally reached the grand final of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 10 and gurl, you KNOW it’s going to be sickening. The problem is, it comes out on a Friday morning, when most of us are usually doing boring things like earning a living. Not cool, Netflix.
This scheduling choice means that many of us are stuck in a day-long Mission Impossible scenario: our mission, not that we chose to accept it, is to get through the day without having Drag Race spoiled. And with the final coming out this week, the stakes have never been higher.
Don’t worry though kweens, I’ve come up with a list of four fool-proof, 100% doable ways to avoid spoilers this Friday. Then you can scream your little heart out in pure surprise as you watch [REDACTED] win the 2018 crown.
1. Block all possible tags
You’ll want to do this on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Tumblr, and any other social network you’re going to be checking. If there’s a hashtag in front of it, you don’t need to know. You might have already blocked tags like #DragRace and #spoilers, but you’re going to need to go above and beyond for the final. Here’s a short list of words and phrases you should block to get you started:
#Eureka #AsiaOHara #Aquaria #KameronMichaels #Season10 #Drag #Lipsync #BringBackBiancaDelRioIDontCareIfSheAlreadyWon#Slay #Werk #Bitch #IsMichelleVisageActuallyaDragQueen #Dead #WhatDoIDoUntilNextSeason #ShouldIHaveMoreVariedInterests #Yaaaaassssss
And no, I don’t know how to block tags on social media. Google it, it’s the 21st century.
2. Throw your phone in a river
If you’re not tech-savvy enough to block tags (or know you could probably figure it out but won’t remember how to undo it the next day) just do what I do and throw your phone in a river. No temptation! If your boss says you need your phone for the rest of the workday, throw it in a river anyway and then ask for a new phone because you can’t do any work without one. Given the amount of time it takes the average company to do anything, you should be good until Monday.
3. Scream at anyone who tries to talk to you
While this tactic’s main purpose is to avoid being told who wins Drag Race, I can see it having a lot of far-reaching benefits if you included it in your daily routine. Someone walks up to you? Scream at them. Someone looks in your direction? Scream at them. Someone calls you? Scream at them, hang up, then throw your phone in a river. Its genius lies in its simplicity.
4. Abandon all responsibilities
There are lots of defensive tactics you can take in the spoiler-filled outside world but if you’re really serious about Drag Race, then you should probably just take the day off. I mean honestly, how has the airing of the final not been declared a global holiday yet? If you really have work to do, just watch Drag Race first and roll in to the office at about lunch time. Once you explain to your boss why you’re late, they’ll either completely understand or run away screaming because they don’t want to hear any spoilers. Either way, you win!
So, if you’re a Drag Race fan who wants to learn Season 10’s winner on their own terms, you should now be ready to face the world on Friday, confident in the knowledge that you can get through the day-spoiler free. Just avoid everyone and everything, and it’ll all be okay (incidentally, this is great life advice). Pass on this advice to any other Drag Race fans in your life and remember: don’t fuck it up.
My blog content is 100% free, now and always. If you found my writing entertaining or useful and want to say thanks, you can always buy me a cup of tea.